i choose to write in first person present indicative, but who knows what's a dream and what's reality?
building any system is like painting a portrait. i don't start from a upper left corner to the lower right one and paint all the details. i paint it in layers.
it's fine to compare myself with the others once in a while. it might give me some good ideas.
but i mainly compare myself only with myself. i think about the person i've been in the past, the person i am right now and the person i want to be in the future.
i can't look at myself from the third person view. i can't judge myself with standards of others. every person is unique and has their own values, interests, talents, priorities and lived experience.
i don't waste my energy blaming the world, society and my parents. they might be blameworthy, but who cares? putting them on a trial does me no good. it doesn't matter what has happened so far that has led me here. the only thing that matters is that what would i choose to do now.