last chance

what if this would be our last chance, dance, kiss, trip, hug, meet, …

wrong

what if i’m wrong, misunderstood, ignoring sth, mistaking, …

what if i’m wrong?

i usually think very pessimist about life, LF, pain, passion, hardship, … but what if i’m just exaggerating, bringing up excuses, fall in fallacy traps, fall for victim mentality, missing pieces of puzzle due to lack of patience, … ? what if my expectations are too high and unreal?

cause so far i’ve had 4 major collapses during sth unwanted and stressful with a deadline:

last 6 months to konkur
last months of corona semester
writing article for roshd magazine
last 6 months of sru ending project
last months of research center student contests these have been the most deppressing and dark days for me but did i feel without passion oustide those periods too? i guess mostly not.
in all those past breakdowns i did nothing until all their deadlines ended and i lost their related game and moved on to next other games. but with having this experience these many times, do i let it happen again?

and the importance of this what if is better understood while i remind myself this fact: ok it’s an unwanted bullshit task or let’s even call it painful, but in reality it takes 1 to 2 weeks while i’ve been lingering around for 6 fucking months🤯.

for so many years i have seen myself too good for this world. i’ve seen the world beneath me and not worthy. but this begs the question: what any special thing have i done so far to see myself this mighty? any big sacriface? any special fear conquered? …

🔙 handbook