passion
Can somebody that is totally ok to leave this world right now, have a passion to live?
I think passion is the main reason people become successful in some field. Of course it takes discipline, hard work, courage, … but the very starting spark, the very first domino that starts everything, the fuel that is fed to the shuttle and make it fly to the moon is to have passion about sth. The hardest thing that hinders me from doing anything in my life is that I don’t have any concrete reason to fight for.
- some have mind opiums like god as their motive.
- some have fantasies like living for society and making the world a better place.
- some see their survival in raising and nurturing children
- some like to understand everything in one field like physics
- some have mundane motives like sex, money, fame, cars, houses
- some have mental knots and problems and harness them and of course all of these are in service of survival.
but i don’t have any of these or at least don’t have a strong feeling about any of them. I like many things and enjoy many activities but none of them are not enough to make me love this life & world and make me be willing to fight for it. mostly i’m just tired and i want to get rid of ancors chained to my feet. i want freedom and peace. but even that is too controversial cause leaving is a very fast shortcut to it.
my biggest problem is The fact that technically I can do everything but realistically I can do nothing. I can achieve everything everybody is craving for but I crave for nothing. Even when I find a few passions they are all negative in cost-benefit analysis and in every possible path I lose more than what I earn. This has made me frrozen and stuck right where I am for a long time.
So in this paradox if I can do everything is actually true, can I turn the tide and find a way to live or the best option for me remains leaving?
one thing that is hurting me is the fact that even some of my biggest passions look to be only less negative points. they are just less pain, they are not joy.
i don’t know if i was like this from the first place or changed or forced or metamorphosed but i don’t enjoy watching sky, peting animals, eating foods, … like others.
choose
i have to choose what do i want
although some passions are involuntarily written into our source codes (by nature or nurture), we can choose or should choose some others. e.g. passion for sports and need to be the 1st in the world might be hardcore of our personality but the ability to choose what sport can be in our hand for the most part.
fear
am i running from sth out of fear or am i running for sth out of passion.