free cow

What is freedom?
To be free of compulsion, fighting, multitasking, fear, shame.

Maybe when I become free, being simply alive changes meaning into living.

Spectrum

There are levels of freedom. I’m not totally free and I’m not not totally imprisoned. There are no 0 and 100. And the same life can be considered oppositely for 2 different people we are not alike. So what is the deal? I think I should measure the freedom with good enough level which I don’t feel to have it right now.

Perfection Tendency

I used to live for the perfection itself. I enjoyed to become better. I enjoyed to be the best among other people. But now I understand that it’s just been written into my source code by my father. Now that I’m thinking clearly on my own I see that I don’t care about it and even if I want to become better at sth I want it to be for the joy of that activity not perfection and improvement in it, like playing soccer just for playing and not giving a damn about results.

The act of working hard and fighting used to was considered a value for me on its own but now I can see the bigger picture, the fact that it’s only a tool to get free of working hard and fighting.